Baked Beans
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way
home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband
and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my
way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more
than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk
off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the
diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked
beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me
and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as
he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me
promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to
answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting
me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband
was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one
leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I
took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my
freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,
placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked
through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
