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Thread: 19 Ways to be a woman.

  1. #1
    Platinum+ Member veronica's Avatar
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    19 Ways to be a woman.

    19 WAYS TO BE A WOMAN "

    1. Bitch

    2. When asked "Is something bothering you?" reply "no" then get pissed off when you are believed.

    3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.

    4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

    5. Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say "It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend. " when you mean "It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!"

    6. Whine

    7. If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep it's because he is lazy.

    8. No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.

    9. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

    10. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

    11. Complain

    12. Hate any bar he likes.

    13. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. these are required gifts proving his love.

    14. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all the stress of your life (also, see number (7).

    15. Remember that ANY woman who so much as stares at your boyfriend must be labeled a ***** and your network of friends must be informed mmediately to spread this as quick as possible.

    16. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.

    17. Break into tears for no apparent reason, then use number 2.

    18. Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given.

    19. Insinuate yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I got this from Booper.
    Last edited by veronica; August 9th, 2005 at 22:15 PM.

  2. #2
    Nobody knows I'm a dog. TZ Veteran petard's Avatar
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    Pure Evil.

    Many thanks to egghead for the cool .sig

  3. #3
    Hardware guy Super Moderator FastGame's Avatar
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    veronica, from your perspective is all that true ? are you like that ?

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Super Moderator Big Booger's Avatar
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    This aught to be taught in schools.

  5. #5
    Techzonez Governor Super Moderator Conan's Avatar
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    13. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. these are required gifts proving his love.
    You can add RENT to that.

    16. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.
    I always get this when I spend some money on my car.

  6. #6
    Hardware guy Super Moderator FastGame's Avatar
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    I always get this when I spend some money on my car.
    Make her walk next time, it works best if you're in the middle of nowhere, oh a take her cell phone so she can't call for a ride

  7. #7
    Platinum+ Member z3n's Avatar
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    19 WAYS TO BE A MAN.

    1. Never put the toilet seat up and ALWAYS make sure some dribbles land on the floor.

    2. When she asks you to do something you don't want to do, say "yeah", then forget about it until she asks you again, then snap "Stop Nagging me, do it yourself!!"

    3. Drink beer.

    4. When you go out, tell her you're meeting with mates to talk about (choose from one of the following - Cars or Sport -) then get drunk and talk about girls all night.

    5. NEVER under ANY circumstance must you relinquish the remote control.

    6. If you want to get out of the dog house, talk down about your ex- girlfriends (they love it) but NEVER compare them……. ever !!!

    7. When she asks you to do some chores, tell her “You’re not my mother !!” , then expect her to cook, clean, iron and pack your lunch.

    8. Drink beer

    9. Repressing bodily functions should be held no longer than the 4th date or 2nd sexual encounter (which ever comes first)

    10. Brush off open wounds and broken bones as trivial, but when you get a cold ask for a little bed bell.

    11. Even when you do understand her, still look puzzled.

    12. The GOLDEN RULE – Remember this if anything: It is ALWAYS easier to apologies than to ask permission.

    13. Drink beer

    14. If you plan on inviting over a few mates around dinner time, don’t mention anything until it’s dinner time and she comes out and offers.

    15. If you need a favour, this comment is your best friend, “ Dang… that/those dress/pants makes your butt look small.” (Only use this in emergencies – it has a small shelf life)

    16. Snore, and deny it… no matter what…. Just deny it.

    17. Leave everything on the floor.

    18. Do the dishes badly, that way it’s quicker for her to do them than argue and then have to do them again anyway.

    19. and finally……. Yep…. You guessed it…. Drink more beer.

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.~ Groucho

  8. #8
    Platinum+ Member veronica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FastGame
    veronica, from your perspective is all that true ? are you like that ?
    I'm not like that. IMO it's true of a lot of women.

    These are jokes I got from another woman on another board.

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