The newspaper carrier throws your paper through the window, wrapped around a brick.
You get an invitation to be a guest on "The Jerry Springer Show."
Your boss calls and tells you to take some time off, say, eternity.
On the way to work, you find yourself stalled in traffic while an ancient-looking fellow with a walker passes you on the adjacent sidewalk. Not only that, but he passes the three cars ahead of you before you move ahead one spot.
You get to work and find not only has your name been removed from your parking space but there's an armed guard there waiting for you.
You take your car to the garage, and the mechanic just shakes his head as he looks under the hood and offers you his condolences.
You have new tires put on your truck and on the way back to work you notice one of them passing you.
You drop off your lawn mower for repairs, and when you return you find someone giving it last rites.
When your pick up your dry cleaning they tell you there was an accident, and your favorite suit will now fit your son's G.I. Joe.
As you walk through the mall, a woman wearing enough makeup to decorate Barnum & Bailey's clown brigade sprays the worst cologne you've ever smelled into your eyes.
You stop to get a hamburger and are accosted by a PETA member dressed as a cow.
You get home only to find the locks changed, a different name on the mailbox and a family you've never seen in the house.
You receive a phone call from someone in New Delhi telling you your health insurance has been transferred to Mutual of Bombay, the premiums have doubled, the deductible has tripled and there is no co-pay. But they do have a nifty calendar.
Your daughter introduces you to her new boyfriend, and you recognize him from "America's Most Wanted."
Your son introduces his new girlfriend, and you recognize her from your cousin's bachelor party.
Your wife introduces you to her new boyfriend.
You turn on the TV, discover the channels won't change, and it's stuck on a shopping channel that only sells shoes.
As you get into bed for the night, the slats break, the box spring collapses, and the mattress closes in around you.