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Thread: Baked Beans

  1. #1
    Titanium Member TZ Veteran Denyse's Avatar
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    Baked Beans

    Baked Beans

    One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
    apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
    beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way
    home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband
    and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my
    way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more
    than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk
    off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the
    diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked
    beans.

    All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
    arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
    "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me
    and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as
    he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me
    promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to
    answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting
    me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband
    was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one
    leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
    fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I
    took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
    Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
    was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
    conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
    minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

    When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my
    freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,
    placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
    relieved and pleased with myself.

    My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
    returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked
    through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

    At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
    seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

    I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. #2
    Silver Member
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    ha ha ha ha nice but just out or curiosity is this a story you found somewhere ont he internet, made up yourself, or actually happend to you or a friend???

  3. #3
    Triple Platinum Member hotmale's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nate89
    ha ha ha ha nice but just out or curiosity is this a story you found somewhere ont he internet, made up yourself, or actually happend to you or a friend???
    Found somewhere on the internet.

  4. #4
    Titanium Member TZ Veteran Denyse's Avatar
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    A girlfriend sent it to me.

    You thought that of me. I think I have been _______

  5. #5
    Super Moderator Super Moderator Big Booger's Avatar
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    Man, baked beans really can mess up your fartbag. But you ever want a really raunchy stink, go for the daikon, or Japanese radish... ewww god... it's more than I can handle just typing it on here... stink is too kind of a word.

  6. #6
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    Try 6–7 pints of really dark beer.

    Your trip to the bathroom the day after will be memorable!

    Johan-Kr
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  7. #7
    Nobody knows I'm a dog. TZ Veteran petard's Avatar
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    Try some Korean Kimchi - man I love that stuff. The hotter the better. Burns going in, and burns going out.


    Many thanks to egghead for the cool .sig

  8. #8
    Old and Cranky Super Moderator rik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by petard
    Kimchi

    agreed

  9. #9
    Super Moderator Super Moderator Big Booger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by petard
    Try some Korean Kimchi - man I love that stuff. The hotter the better. Burns going in, and burns going out.

    In Japan they have daikon Kimchi, and that's lethal. Makes these farts that produce hot small farts, that come out slow and bring the innards of your intestines with it.

  10. #10
    Head Honcho Administrator Reverend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by petard
    The hotter the better. Burns going in, and burns going out.
    "ring of fire"

    =========== Please Read The Forum Rules ===========

  11. #11
    Titanium Member TZ Veteran Denyse's Avatar
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    Just think back... the movie BLAZING SADDLES and the Grub around the campfire scene

  12. #12
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    Wasn't there something in the news a while back about some company making hemorhoid medication that wanted to use the old Johnny Cash tune "Ring of fire" for a commercial ?

    Johan-Kr
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  13. #13
    Hardware guy Super Moderator FastGame's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fenalaar
    Wasn't there something in the news a while back about some company making hemorhoid medication that wanted to use the old Johnny Cash tune "Ring of fire" for a commercial ?

    Johan-Kr
    Why yes it was something like this

    Hemorrhoids is a burning thing
    and it makes a firery ring
    bound by itching desire
    I fell in to a ring of fire...

    I fell in to a burning ring of fire
    I scratched down,down,down
    and the flames went higher.
    And it burns,burns,burns
    the ring of fire
    the ring of fire.

  14. #14
    Old and Cranky Super Moderator rik's Avatar
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    You ain't right

    Last edited by rik; January 22nd, 2006 at 00:02 AM.

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