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Thread: A true story

  1. #1
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    A true story

    REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

    THE END

    THE BRITISH VERSION:

    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

    A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

    The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

    The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

    The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council
    of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

    In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrels's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine
    for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

    The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile.

    The squirrels food is siezed and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport
    because of Britains apparent love of dogs.

    The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.

    A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrels's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.

    The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.

    The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
    supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

    A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost 10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

    The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.

    The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.

    The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

  2. #2
    Senior Member beelzebub's Avatar
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    wow, where did this come from? since i dont live in the UK i dont know if this is based on something true, is it?

    reading it, it reminded me of america. only the brakedown in bureaucracy (not that i am saying bureaucracy isnt broken in the first place) and sanity hasnt quite happened yet, although it is getting there. thank you groups like the NAACP, making a world a better place for your interest while saying screw you to every one else.

  3. #3
    Security Intelligence TZ Veteran cash_site's Avatar
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    LOL... what happened to a 'Blair' reference?

    --- 0wN3D by 3gG ---

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    Quote Originally Posted by beelzebub View Post
    ..thank you groups like the NAACP, making a world a better place for your interest while saying screw you to every one else.
    What's NAACP?

  5. #5
    Senior Member beelzebub's Avatar
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    NAACP is the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. It was created in 1909 in America to advance the civil rights of black people. It was created with good intentions and has done good for the black and african american community in America, but it has since turned into one of the largest special interest/lobbyers/political forces in America. It now focusses on more than civil rights.

    It is one of those orginizations that would go out of business if the thing it is trying to destroy, was actually destroyed.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NAACP

  6. #6
    Platinum+ Member z3n's Avatar
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    So this is saying all the wealthy work hard and all the the poor people just dance away their summers ?

    lol - sure.

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.~ Groucho

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