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Thread: Time for some Norwegian-American stories... Uff-da

  1. #1
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    Time for some Norwegian-American stories... Uff-da

    Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da
    land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.'

    The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough andturns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two from Minnesota , the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer. The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?' Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis nice.'

    The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero,
    icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men.

    The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?'

    They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl.'
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  2. #2
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    Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church,
    and Pastor Sven was the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across
    the road. One day they were seen pounding a sign into the ground, that
    said:

    'DA END ISS NEAR! TURN YERSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE'

    As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled,
    'Leave us alone, you religious nuts!'

    From the curve we heard screeching tires and a big splash . Rev. Ole
    turns to Pastor Sven and asks, 'Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust
    say 'Bridge Out'?
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  3. #3
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    Ole is a farmer in Minnesota . He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota
    (that would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out there).

    He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if the cow gives milk.

    When he grabs a teat and pulls...the cow farts. Surprised, Ole looks at the farmer who's selling the cow, then reaches under to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow.

    When he gets back to Minnesota , he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, 'Hey, Sven, come and look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens.'

    Sven reaches under, pulls the teat...the cow farts.

    Sven looks at Ole and says, 'You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?'

    Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. Ole replies, 'Yah, dats right. But how did yah know?'

    Sven says, 'My wife is from Nordakota.'
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  4. #4
    She who must be obeyed Super Moderator piaqt's Avatar
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    And now a Jewish one:
    Two Jews are sitting on a park bench. The first one looks up and says, "Oy."

    The second one says, "I thought we agreed not to discuss the kids."

    Last night, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know.
    love, piaqt

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