BRITISH QUIZ SHOWS

It's hard to believe people like this exist. Some of them are
determined not to be helped. They must have been born & raised in a deep
mineshaft and only brought out for these shows!

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
> Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
> Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
>
> THE WEAKEST LINK
> Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
> Contestant: Jool carriageway.
>
> Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
> Contestant: Bombay.
>
> Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
> Contestant: Crocodiles.
> Anne Robinson: Wh...?
> Contestant (interrupting): Pass!
>
> Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels,
> travelling entertainers or chocolate
salesmen?
> Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
>
> Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
> Contestant: (long pause)
> Joe?
>
> Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
> Contestant: Geronimo!
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
> Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
> Contestant: William Shakespeare.
>
> CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC
> BRISTOL
> Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
> Caller: Japan.
> Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
> Caller: Er... Mexico?
>
> FAMILY FORTUNES
> 1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword
>
> 2) A song
> with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon
>
> 3) Name the capital of France? - F
>
> 4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell
>
> 5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A
> burglar
>
> 6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital
>
> 7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil
>
> A famous Scotsman? - Jock
>
> 9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.
>
> 10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs
>
> 11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water
>
> 12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A
> horse
>
> 13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair
>
> 14) A famous Royal? - Mail
>
> 15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A
> bicycle with wings
>
> 16) A famous bridge? - The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
>
> 17) Something a cat does? - Goes to the toilet
>
> 1 Something you do in the bathroom? - Decorate
>
> 19) A method of securing your home? - Put the kettle on
>
> 20) Something associated with pigs? - The Police
>
> 21) A sign of the Zodiac? - April
>
> 22) Something people might be allergic
> to? - Skiing
>
> 23) Something you do before you go to bed? - Sleep
>
> 24) Something you put on walls? - A roof
>
> 25) Something slippery? - A conman
>
> 26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish
>
> 27) A jacket potato topping? - Jam
>
> 2 A food that can be brown or white? - A potato
>
> 29) Something sold by gypsies? -
> Bananas
>
> 30) Something red? - My sweater
>
> RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
> Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
> Contestant: Barcelona.
> Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
> Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any
> countries in Spain.
>
> STEVE
> WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
> Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
> Contestant: India.
>
> Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
> Contestant: Espresso.
>
> Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
> Contestant: Sydney.
>
> THIS
> MORNING
> Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera. True or false?
> Contestant: True?
> Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show,so I'll give you that.
>
> BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
> Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
> Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
>
> BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
> Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
> Contestant: Four
>
> BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
> Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
> Contestant: Er...
> Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
> Contestant: Blimey?
> Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
> Contestant: (Silence)
> Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
> Contestant: Walked?
>
> DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
> Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
> Contestant: Holland?
> Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
> Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
> Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
> Contestant: No.

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