What is this Software Distribution Service 2.0?

[Teetotaler]

This is how it began:

I was halfway through my auditing and attestation class; so you can imagine how bored I was. That's when the update window popped up on the bottom left corner of my machine. It said, "updates are available" and I said, "What the hell". So I downloaded the updates.

Days later, my computer's battery started to conflict with AC power. Now, my computer is shutting down frequently and refusing to come back on (aka being a b*tch). I just bought this b*tch in December, because my old b*tch was being a super b*tch.

I don't want my new b*tch to become a super b*tch. Please help me! My norton anti-virus is screwed up and the culprit is software distribution system 2.0. I have a HP Pavillion dv1000.

Now let me take a moment to damn Microsoft to a lifetime of hindquarter violations. Bill Gates' monopoly over computing is ruining the PC world! The lack of competition is giving rise to pieces of sh*t such as software distribution service 2.0. Hell, for all I know, SDS 2.0 could be a CIA monitoring system that solely tracks porn usage. I guess I won't be able to run for President of the United States of America. Politicians may already have enough incriminating evidence against me to thwart any political aspirations I may have or develop in the near future.

But I digress, I will kiss the feet of the man who posts a fix to this problem.